Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
