All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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