when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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