Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
