I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
bring money and cleavage
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
