Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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