Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
