i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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