Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
