He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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