OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
