Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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