Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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