my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The power of my boobs compel you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
