you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have already put on my inside pants.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
