Cold hands, warm shart.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
