508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
