HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
