I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So squirting runs in the family.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
