Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
