Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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