oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
