went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize