Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize