as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
