Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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