walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize