Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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