you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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