.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
