so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
