you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
