I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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