..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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