Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
