Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
