Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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