you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
