so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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