Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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