I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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