is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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