How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
