trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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