Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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