I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
