she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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