You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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