hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
