I want to stick my p in your. b.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
