You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
