how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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