think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
