): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
