i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Small penises have feelings too.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
