I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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