Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
