now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
