is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
