i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
