Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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