I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
