someone get that fucking seahorse.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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