Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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