I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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