yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
