my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
BRING THE BAGELS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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