Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize