evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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