you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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