if you like me you must not know who I am
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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