He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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