I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
