Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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